How is your spirit?
How is your spirit? My dear friend Maureen asked me the other day. She said she doesn’t ask “how are you?” anymore but how is your spirit? I had to pause for a moment since I have been feeling heart broken and devastated. But when I asked myself about my spirit, I could honestly say my spirit is strong! It has been 18 days since we announced to our teachers and then our community that my love of my life, the one thing I have been most proud of being part of, Yoga Roots, is closing. Since then I have been a human roller coaster - can’t get out of bed, crying, moping around then switching to I can do this, I can do hard things, back to feeling shame and self loathing. Not a great combination! Then when we add the layer of this pandemic, the state of our country and racial inequities …… I am a mess but deep down I guess my spirit is STRONG.
After several of these low days, I woke up yesterday, and something had shifted. I knew what I had to do. That tiny voice has been talking to me but I hadn’t taken time to listen to her. “Go back to what works.” Strangely this current experience is bringing back to when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2012, from the telling of my news to family and friends, feeling shame to feeling overwhelmed with love and support and to not feeling worthy. The good news is that I know there is joy after the storm. Yoga and Yoga Roots has taught me so much! Now I get to practice and process on my mat, finding that stillness, we need to listen to our voice inside. My voice has been saying you got this - you know what to do.
So yesterday, I set up a Strength board to put up cards, and emails that I have received, put my LOVE sign from the studio up in my office, YES YOU CAN sits right in front of me and my desk is neat and tidy. But the most important thing that I am going to do is begin writing again. I am not sure what it will look like but I know when I wrote during my cancer journey it lifted me, it connected me (when I felt like hiding) and it helped heal me. So here we go, broken heart, let's get started! First step, gratitude for a STRONG spirit!